The wisdom of Cinna, the Samoan Jehovah's Witness

I was sitting in the park earlier, a rather large woman wrapped in tea towels approaches me. Okay well maybe they weren't tea towels, some kind of traditional garb that looked quite a lot like tea towels then.


" I see you are enjoying this park. I enjoy this park too. When I enjoy I say to my husband #pauses indicates behind me# "This my husband Tony Parker, I marry him he is a Kiwi, I say to my husband, I see God's fingers in this. Have you heard of God? It is so beautiful. Here I give you little trek for you to read in your own time." #she hands me "The peaceful kingdom of god" a very odd little pamphlet (which I haven't read yet) with pictures of people being happy on the front and a child feeding a bear and another petting a lion, apparently the lion and the bear are just hanging around in the local park. Lions and bears are welcome in the Peaceful Kingdom of God too you know#
I thank her and then she continues. "You see this what we all want, to in peaceful kingdom but it is not how it is. There is another one. You know the commandments? In the commandments Jesus said "Love your neighbour as you love yourself.  I get my bible I will show." As she roots around for her bible I'm tempted to point out that it was Moses who was involved with the whole commandment thing but the woman seems barely sane so I figured I'd do her a small mercy  " Oh no I don't have my bible I can't show, it is true though. Gods mouth. You see people go to war and do all these evil things to innocent people. People always blame God god, but it is not so. It is Satan. You have heard of Satan? You see Jesus had a war in heaven and all the angels who would not do what they were told were sent here. That is why Satan makes so much trouble on earth. But god has promised that Satan will be defeated very soon. And we will all live happily forever on earth"
Here she could tell she was losing me, I was busying myself with some twigs on the ground, digging little holes. So she changed tactics.
 "Why no one has seen god? You wonder? It is because God is so powerful and so bright that if you see him. You die! His light is so strong that he cannot show himself to us, if he did we all dead." She then makes a loud clap to reinforce this statement. Here luckily her grandchild comes along and starts pulling at her. And I hear a voice shout from behind "Come on we're leaving"
   "Yes Tony Parker start the car I am coming" she says, waving him off impatiently " I must go now, but thank you for listening. I know God will take of you"
Unless I see him of course, then I will be immolated allegedly. I'm pretty sure this lady must have been some kind of renegade Jehovah, because even though I know nothing about them(Never before have I bothered to listen to one) I'm sure they couldn't actually believe stuff like that... That's insane