So I bid you adieu, I'll be seeing you soon

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to write. As in be a writer. Well that’s not quite true, for a time when I was very young I wanted to be a "scientist" but that was when I believed that being a scientist was terribly exciting. Although exactly why I believed this is now beyond me, seeing as Egon from Ghostbusters was my inspiration. Aside from my brief aspirations in the field of science, my interest has always been in writing. It stemmed, as I'm sure many an aspiring author's interest has, from reading (and being read to when I was 'small') fantasy stories. Tales of wonder and magical lands.

  

The Hobbit is the first book I remember having experience with (again not quite true, there was Dr. Seuss). My father gave me a graphic novel adaption of it and I instantly fell in love with the world. At that age of course I wanted to go there. As I grew a bit older my aims became a bit more realistic. I figured I'd settle from creating a world like that for myself.

  I can actually quite clearly remember the day when I was about 10 when I became set in my goal to become a writer. In school we were given homework, to write a short story about an excuse for not having your homework done. I wrote 'The Day I Fell into Hell'. It was a short rhyming story about a boy whose dog takes his homework. He follows the dog and both subsequently fall down a hole in the ground that leads directly to hell. The dog was captured by the devils minions and story dealt with the boys efforts in rescuing his pet. It was a comic affair including dancing demons and a confrontation with Satan himself. Unfortunately the story has been lost over the years. It's a pity I would like to read it again. Anyway after my story was rated 'excellent' by my teacher I was sure I would become a writer. I mean what more do you need? A story rated excellent by teacher, publishers here I come. I was so sure that on the next day I wrote a sequel. 'The Day Fell into Hell Again'.

It was then, at the age of 10, I laid out my maser plan. I would finish school (both primary and secondary) do extraordinarily well and study English in college. It would be at some point during my studies that I would begin my novel. Which at the time was going to be some fantasy epic set in a world on the scale of Tolkien’s middle-earth. But as we know, plans more often than not don't work out so well.

Long story short, I didn't do well enough in school to study English (and didn't do well enough the second time either). And eventually I started working full time in the bookshop. While working my writing dwindled and eventually faded altogether. After some time here, I got my chance at studying English. It was no more than a part time course with a couple of hours college level English each week. That was enough though. As it turned out not getting to study it in the first place was a blessing in disguise. I hated it. Endlessly analytical and boring. It was completely removed form the image I had of the subject in my mind (although I would find studying anything terribly boring). After this realisation I was a bit lost, I figured how could I be a writer if I don't even like the study of English. Luckily this foolish notion wasn't long in my head. As the two aren't at all related, being able to write and studying English. So I gave up the course and went back to my job. This time the writing didn't dwindle so much, I continued. Experimenting with different things, even attempting to write a book. It was about a renegade assassin and his drunken Irish priest sidekick. Managed to get 11 or 12 chapter done before I lost the plot (literally lost it, had no idea what to write/ where to go). Looking back I'm not too fond of that story now anyway.

After not too long I began to feel like I stagnating in my job/ at home. Nothing for me seemed to move. While others around me continued with their studies moving ever forward towards the 'real world' which looming at the end of that academical tunnel. I watched it all from behind the bookshop counter. It became increasingly obvious that I needed to do something. So I decided that I would come here to New Zealand. On the surface this seems like a bold and courageous move, striking off on my own into a new country that I know little about. Well that's only on the surface, look below that and you'll see the real reason. Procrastination. I am somewhat of an expert when it comes to procrastination; and this was my master-stroke. Yes you're hearing me right; my grand epic adventure in New Zealand was naught but a procrastinating maneuver on my part. You see I knew that I would have to make some kind of decision with my life some time very, well it was either or watch 3 years in the bookshop turn into 6, then 6 into 10 etc. etc. So I came here to buy some time. I never realistically entertained thoughts of staying here very long. Inadvertently this maneuver in procrastination has turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life though. I've had a brilliant time and met some amazing people. Some of whom I'm looking forward to seeing again some time soon and others who I am going to miss as I'm sure that I'll never see them again. 

It's terribly ironic that, as most of you know my original plan when coming here was to be entirely anti-social, make no friends and wander off into nature. Heh. Well here's why I don't put much faith in having plans. For me at least they nearly always turn out the opposite of what I intend and luckily most of the time for the better.

Wow this has turned into quite a long piece, strange, this actually began life as a journal entry (a journal which is terribly underused, I think this would have been my 6th entry) but somewhere along the way I figured it might make a fitting end to my meanderings. So at this point I'm going to bring it to a close, that is if you're still reading at this point and I haven't bored you to death. This is more sombre than my usual offerings.

As may have guessed this post means I'll be home soon. So the question is what will I do upon my return?

Well as I said I've always wanted to write, so I figure I'll try that. It's not easy though, sifting through my head trying to find things worth writing about, things that will entertain people or even myself. And I think maybe I was never cut out for story writing, though I feel I could tell a decent story, just lack the ability to find the right one. It seems this blog type thing is my strong point.  So to find a way to turn that to my advantage.

I'm rambling again, so the end. 

This will be the last post in The Meanderings of a Vagrant Irishman abroad. I am no longer a vagrant and soon I won't even be abroad so there doesn't like too much reason to continue it. I hope you've enjoyed my little blog, I certainly have. I am sure I owe it my sanity among other things. Thanks to all you people who have been following me. And to repeat my title.

So I bid you adieu, I'll be seeing you soon.

I think this picture perfectly sums up me and my travels

                                        I have no idea what I was attempting to do when this was taken

The wisdom of Cinna, the Samoan Jehovah's Witness

I was sitting in the park earlier, a rather large woman wrapped in tea towels approaches me. Okay well maybe they weren't tea towels, some kind of traditional garb that looked quite a lot like tea towels then.


" I see you are enjoying this park. I enjoy this park too. When I enjoy I say to my husband #pauses indicates behind me# "This my husband Tony Parker, I marry him he is a Kiwi, I say to my husband, I see God's fingers in this. Have you heard of God? It is so beautiful. Here I give you little trek for you to read in your own time." #she hands me "The peaceful kingdom of god" a very odd little pamphlet (which I haven't read yet) with pictures of people being happy on the front and a child feeding a bear and another petting a lion, apparently the lion and the bear are just hanging around in the local park. Lions and bears are welcome in the Peaceful Kingdom of God too you know#
I thank her and then she continues. "You see this what we all want, to in peaceful kingdom but it is not how it is. There is another one. You know the commandments? In the commandments Jesus said "Love your neighbour as you love yourself.  I get my bible I will show." As she roots around for her bible I'm tempted to point out that it was Moses who was involved with the whole commandment thing but the woman seems barely sane so I figured I'd do her a small mercy  " Oh no I don't have my bible I can't show, it is true though. Gods mouth. You see people go to war and do all these evil things to innocent people. People always blame God god, but it is not so. It is Satan. You have heard of Satan? You see Jesus had a war in heaven and all the angels who would not do what they were told were sent here. That is why Satan makes so much trouble on earth. But god has promised that Satan will be defeated very soon. And we will all live happily forever on earth"
Here she could tell she was losing me, I was busying myself with some twigs on the ground, digging little holes. So she changed tactics.
 "Why no one has seen god? You wonder? It is because God is so powerful and so bright that if you see him. You die! His light is so strong that he cannot show himself to us, if he did we all dead." She then makes a loud clap to reinforce this statement. Here luckily her grandchild comes along and starts pulling at her. And I hear a voice shout from behind "Come on we're leaving"
   "Yes Tony Parker start the car I am coming" she says, waving him off impatiently " I must go now, but thank you for listening. I know God will take of you"
Unless I see him of course, then I will be immolated allegedly. I'm pretty sure this lady must have been some kind of renegade Jehovah, because even though I know nothing about them(Never before have I bothered to listen to one) I'm sure they couldn't actually believe stuff like that... That's insane

A note on the previous post

None of those pictures are actually mine. I was very lazy. I have pictures of most of the things in question just couldn't have been bothered rooting them out

Odds and Ends

Throughout the course of my writing of this blog there has been plenty of things I've wanted to write about and forgotten. Every sort of thing you can imagine. Random thoughts etc. that have slipped between the cracks. I'm going to use this post to write about a coupe of them

First, and long overdue. Kiwi roadworks. Some people may be under the impression that the subject of roadworks doesn't really warrant a post (or even an extract from a post). You have not experienced Kiwi roadworks though. It's a very unique experience. To begin with, half the time when you meet a 'works start' sign. There will be no roadworks. You will slow down expecting them but they won't be there. Other time you'll find 'works end' signs at random intervals even though there was no works started (or even evidence of any recent work). When you are actually lucky enough to find some work in progress, the approach the workers take is somewhat unique. Well at least I haven't come across it anywhere else. It's a kind of D.I.Y operation, after the 'works start' sign you will usually find a variety of different vehicles splayed across the road. Some there for no apparent reason only to obstruct the road. There will usually be about workmen to machine ratio of 4:1. One thing they have in common with home is that most of those workers will more often than not be standing around doing nothing. But here even the ones who seem to have been given jobs don't really bother. How you navigate the obstacles of the machines and cones etc. is left to your discretion as the guy with the sign, who is supposed to be directing you sits around having a chat/tea/smoke while lethargically waving his sign. I think this more to fan himself rather actually make any attempt at directing traffic. It's a lot of fun trying to get through these roadworks especially when there's one side of the road closed and traffic coming both ways. Also on the subject of roads. They have an insane amount of one way bridges here and I don't know why. Could they just not afford to make them two lane bridges? Outside of towns/ cities I think I've an entirety of two two land bridges. The positioning of the bridges often leads you to question the sanity of the civil engineer responsible. When you come to these bridge you'll meet a sign. 'One lane bridge, Give Way' but most of the time due to the unfortunate positioning of bridge (there'll be either a sharp bend or steep hill at the other side) you can't actually see what's coming. This can often lead to very aggravated drivers on both ends. It's pretty dangerous too...



Next, food products.
Juice; New Zealanders have a warped notion of juice here. Yeah, you have to have your wits about you if you intend on purchasing juice here. You see that large bottle that says "Orange Juice". You'd think that there would be orange juice in there wouldn't you? Well no. All the juice is actually apple juice in disguise. I know this sounds a bit crazy but it's true. You get proper orange juice, but it's terribly expensive. I think it's a class c drug here. Your typical orange juice will have about 80 % apple juice. The only indication of which is a picture of an apple lurking ominously in the background on the label and also "with apple base" in tiny darkened writing on the bottom. My favourite was Tropical juice (90 % apple) how do they fit the other fruits in?
Next on the food list, sausages. When you think of a sausage you picture something made of pork right? Or is that just me. Well here sausages are most commonly made of chicken, beef or venison. Feckin venison sausages! Madness. It's weird. While on the subject of sausages. Hotdogs*. I ordered a hotdog recently. What I received was a monstrosity. Battered sausage, on an stick, lathered with tomato sauce. I looked upon it with some disgust. How exactly did they derive such a thing from the idea of a hot dog?
One more thing on the food list. They put BBQ sauce on EVERYTHING. Even breakfast. Why? Why would anyone put BBQ sauce on a breakfast. Make no mistake about it people, the Kiwis are weird race.



So Kiwi's, the people themselves. Not really very much I can tell you about them, I've met very few. An unfortunate consequence of spending most of my time in Backpackers.What I know of them, they are loud and unabashed. Have met quite a few while they were drunk, too drunk to have any sort of significant conversation but interesting to talk to to say the least. On the subject of Maori. Now again I haven't met very many but I think my image of them was off somewhat. I believe many people share it though, the romantic image of an aging race of tribal warriors? Not quite the reality, I have met one or two older ones who live up to this image (one a chief no less, who blessed me and my group). The younger ones are strange though, they appear to occupy the same place that 'skaters' etc. do at home. Then bizarrely there are the slightly older ones. Mid- Late twenties. Who are completely camp. It's a sight to behold, when a big mean looking maori guy flicks his hand and starts speaking like a kiwi Graham Norton. 


Now for the last thing on my list, the wildlife.
There is a wide array of wildlife here. Well when I say wildlife I mean birds. They don't have many mammals and the ones they do have they either kill indiscriminately or farm and then kill en masse. But the birds are quite amazing. A few highlights. I already told you about the Kea, the crazy sheep eating parrot, in a previous post. There are also Weka's and Pukekos. My personal favourites. These guys are very odd looking and quite simple. The Weka a flightless brown bird that likes to strut around the middle of road and then take it's sweet time leaving them when a car comes and pukeko is basically the same only it's bright blue with a red beak and huge feet. It can fly but when you see it in action it does occur to you that it would be better for all concerned it it didn't bother.

Then you have everything from Tui's, a navyish bird with a tuft of white hair on its throat, one of the best imitators in the worlds, to various colourful parrots, to the very cool and cheeky grey robin. One of these landed in my cooking and pot and started eating from it while I was there, they also have a habit of swooping around right above your head.

Thats all I can think of for now, if I recall anything I'll come back and edit this post...

Tongariro National, is that Mt. Doom?

This here is a bit of Mt Doom(above)

Well no that is a cloud. Mt.Doom is there somewhere though.

After Taranaki I headed back west-ish. Over Tongariro National park, home to 3 more volcanoes, including Mt.  Ngaurhoe. This was the mountain that they used for Mt.Doom in the Lord of the Rings. Isn't that awesome? And  I have walked on it's slopes, how cool is that? Does it take from the amazingness of that if I say I still haven't seen it though?
Yes for the entire time I was in Tongariro there was clouds over all three of the Volcanoes. I didn't actually see ANY of them. While there I also thought I would make up for my earlier laziness in tackling Taranaki. So I decided to do the Tongariro Alpine Crossing. A 19.4 kilometer mountain trek. I'm not used to walking such distances. Especially not when it's mostly uphill and pretty steep hills at that. For the first half it was a bit of a miserable affair, the aforementioned clouds were refusing to budge. Even shaking my fist vehemently at them had no effect. Luckily at about the half way point we were given a brief reprieve from the clouds. So I got to see some of the lovely scenery that the trek is famous for. It's advertised as "The best one day walk in New Zealand". It's pretty nice but I'd have to disagree. Although maybe if I had been able to see the volcanoes that  might have changed my opinion. The clouds just happened to feck off everywhere else aside from the volcanoes.

Anyway I managed the walk, just about. And aside from the disappointment of not seeing the mountains it was pretty cool. The volcanic landscape is very other worldly. Wide fields of craggy rock formations, steaming slopes and some yellowed from the sulphur. Not to mention the 'emerald lakes'. Even while walking through the clouds this was pretty cool, as  the fog with the craggy rocks created an eery  atmosphere.

Taranaki, Lights and the Mt.Fuji imposter

                                            
So for the past few days I've been in volcano land. Leaving Wellington I headed north west to the town of New Plymouth.Theres not much surrounding New Plymouth and thats why the one thing they do have REALLY sticks out. The huge volcano Taranaki, looms over everywhere in the area. You can see it from miles away. My first glimpse of it came when I was 2 hours away on the bus. It's also almost a mirror image of Mt. Fuji in Japan. Ever see the last samurai? That is in actual fact Mt Taranaki they use instead of Fuji. Cheaters eh? Now you'd think that my reason for going to this area would be to go tramping off up the mountain wouldn't you? Well no, I decided against that. It was costing like 60 quid for the bus to get to the mountain so I did some coastal walk instead. And while on the coastal walk i spotted a hill. I thought, hey I can just go up that one, thats not too far. 4 hours later I reach the top. I look back and curse myself several times. Now on my list of things I must not do; Walk for hours with no thought of the return trip. (other things include shaking my fist at products in shops).
The area was pretty nice although it was tough for me because it was almost 30 degrees for the few days I was there and as most of you know I don't get on too well with Mr. Sun.
Just happened to be there in the middle of the 'Festival of the lights' too. Which was a happy coincidence. I loved it. The festival of the lights is a summer festival they hold in New Plymouth from mid December to the end of January. Basically they fit their local park, with hundreds of different lights and display and then light them up after dark. It may not sound like much here but there's an undeniable magical quality as you wander around the park. Waterfalls and fountains fitted with alternating lights and boats with lighted 'halos' gliding( I would like to say gliding peacefully but unfortunately most were manned by young children, much to the dismay of couples who decided to take a boat for a romantic moment) around the lake. The reflection of the light off the lake is pretty dazzling too. Quite hard to take pictures of these things unfortunately so mine don't really do it justice...

Oh yeah the only pictures I got of the mountain without clouds on it were at sunset, bloody clouds mover right on top of the second day I was there (nowhere else) and have been following me since.

Kaikoura and onward. And a slight rant

So I have departed the south island and now find myself back in Wellington. It's been a while since I've been here but the weather is the same. Little bit cold and windy. Kaikoura was pretty nice, it was unfortunately ruined by two things. First and foremost, a large cloud settled upon the big dramatic mountains that were my main reason for visiting. So most of the time I couldn't actually see them. The second and much bigger problem came when I started on the Peninsula Walkway, a 3-4 hour scenic walk around the Kaikoura peninsula taking in great views of the coast and mountains. There was I'd say over 100 people on the track. You see I've been used to New Zealand pre tourist season. If you ever come here, do NOT come any time between late December and February I think it is. It is horrible. They ruin the country. On the track there was nearly fucking queues for viewpoints! Queues on a bloody walking track! And every time you find some nice quiet spot to sit down and relax, you turn around and theres ten people making videos and taking photos and looking agitated that you've gotten in their way. Felt like wading into them and sending them off the cliff.

On the subject of tourists.* Here's a few things that annoy me.

1. In every hostel I go to, there's always at least one person (more sometimes depending on the hostel) who feels the need to show how unbelievably cool and well traveled they are. They speak very loudly (and are usually but not always British) and these people feel the need to talk to everyone. Everyone. They begin under the pretext that they are interested in you and your travels. Ask a few perfunctory questions then gradually turn it around to all the cool places they've been. The same people are also very fond of speaking of their opinions very loudly and openly. These opinions are usually a little bit different and quirky, just to make it extra clear that they have an opinion. Now as annoying as I find these people I wouldn't complain about them, others appear to like them, if they did not insist on talking to me as well.
My usual position in a hostel lounge, is a corner somewhere, preferably darkened somewhat. With my earphones playing loud to drown out the conversation around me and reading a book/playing my ds depending on my mood. I don't think I look like I want to talk, in actual fact am consciously making an effort to make myself less approachable. Yet these wankers, are so sure of their greatness they will still sit down in front/ beside me. And ask "So where are you from?". Sod off and talk to one of these other goons who are more than happy to indulge you, I think but usually respond with very short polite answers. Ask them no questions about themselves and patiently wait for them to leave.

2. People making videos of everything. WHY!? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why make a video of a mountain or a landscape? Just take a picture, please. Now I have no problem with people making some videos. I'll admit to get the true scale of some things it is sometimes necessary but to you people who go around with the video camera glued to your hand all the time. There is a very special place in hell reserved for you.

3. On the subject of cameras. Tourists with huge professional cameras(and some even with tripods) that they have no idea how to use. You have no business with one of these cameras unless you are involved with photography professionally. All these people couldn't be professional and I've seen people with lenses over a foot long. Taking pictures of scenery. How much money did you waste on that stupid camera so you could look like a pro. You don't need it! Idiots. As I've said, I've no problem with people with these cameras who are actually involved in photography.

4. Bunk beds. Whoever invented bunk beds, may you rot in hell for all eternity.

5. Gamers in internet cafes. Why do they insist on shouting? Why do they get so excited. There are several of them right now shouting. "Kill that fucker bro!" "Shit cuz I 'm dead" "inaudible sounds of dismay"

Ah venting. That makes me feel better.

Now, so I'm in Wellington. I've applied for several jobs here and if I don't hear back from them by this evening then I move on in the morning. Westward, towards Mt Taranaki where lonely planet informs me there is a distinct lack of tourists.