A note on the previous post

None of those pictures are actually mine. I was very lazy. I have pictures of most of the things in question just couldn't have been bothered rooting them out

Odds and Ends

Throughout the course of my writing of this blog there has been plenty of things I've wanted to write about and forgotten. Every sort of thing you can imagine. Random thoughts etc. that have slipped between the cracks. I'm going to use this post to write about a coupe of them

First, and long overdue. Kiwi roadworks. Some people may be under the impression that the subject of roadworks doesn't really warrant a post (or even an extract from a post). You have not experienced Kiwi roadworks though. It's a very unique experience. To begin with, half the time when you meet a 'works start' sign. There will be no roadworks. You will slow down expecting them but they won't be there. Other time you'll find 'works end' signs at random intervals even though there was no works started (or even evidence of any recent work). When you are actually lucky enough to find some work in progress, the approach the workers take is somewhat unique. Well at least I haven't come across it anywhere else. It's a kind of D.I.Y operation, after the 'works start' sign you will usually find a variety of different vehicles splayed across the road. Some there for no apparent reason only to obstruct the road. There will usually be about workmen to machine ratio of 4:1. One thing they have in common with home is that most of those workers will more often than not be standing around doing nothing. But here even the ones who seem to have been given jobs don't really bother. How you navigate the obstacles of the machines and cones etc. is left to your discretion as the guy with the sign, who is supposed to be directing you sits around having a chat/tea/smoke while lethargically waving his sign. I think this more to fan himself rather actually make any attempt at directing traffic. It's a lot of fun trying to get through these roadworks especially when there's one side of the road closed and traffic coming both ways. Also on the subject of roads. They have an insane amount of one way bridges here and I don't know why. Could they just not afford to make them two lane bridges? Outside of towns/ cities I think I've an entirety of two two land bridges. The positioning of the bridges often leads you to question the sanity of the civil engineer responsible. When you come to these bridge you'll meet a sign. 'One lane bridge, Give Way' but most of the time due to the unfortunate positioning of bridge (there'll be either a sharp bend or steep hill at the other side) you can't actually see what's coming. This can often lead to very aggravated drivers on both ends. It's pretty dangerous too...



Next, food products.
Juice; New Zealanders have a warped notion of juice here. Yeah, you have to have your wits about you if you intend on purchasing juice here. You see that large bottle that says "Orange Juice". You'd think that there would be orange juice in there wouldn't you? Well no. All the juice is actually apple juice in disguise. I know this sounds a bit crazy but it's true. You get proper orange juice, but it's terribly expensive. I think it's a class c drug here. Your typical orange juice will have about 80 % apple juice. The only indication of which is a picture of an apple lurking ominously in the background on the label and also "with apple base" in tiny darkened writing on the bottom. My favourite was Tropical juice (90 % apple) how do they fit the other fruits in?
Next on the food list, sausages. When you think of a sausage you picture something made of pork right? Or is that just me. Well here sausages are most commonly made of chicken, beef or venison. Feckin venison sausages! Madness. It's weird. While on the subject of sausages. Hotdogs*. I ordered a hotdog recently. What I received was a monstrosity. Battered sausage, on an stick, lathered with tomato sauce. I looked upon it with some disgust. How exactly did they derive such a thing from the idea of a hot dog?
One more thing on the food list. They put BBQ sauce on EVERYTHING. Even breakfast. Why? Why would anyone put BBQ sauce on a breakfast. Make no mistake about it people, the Kiwis are weird race.



So Kiwi's, the people themselves. Not really very much I can tell you about them, I've met very few. An unfortunate consequence of spending most of my time in Backpackers.What I know of them, they are loud and unabashed. Have met quite a few while they were drunk, too drunk to have any sort of significant conversation but interesting to talk to to say the least. On the subject of Maori. Now again I haven't met very many but I think my image of them was off somewhat. I believe many people share it though, the romantic image of an aging race of tribal warriors? Not quite the reality, I have met one or two older ones who live up to this image (one a chief no less, who blessed me and my group). The younger ones are strange though, they appear to occupy the same place that 'skaters' etc. do at home. Then bizarrely there are the slightly older ones. Mid- Late twenties. Who are completely camp. It's a sight to behold, when a big mean looking maori guy flicks his hand and starts speaking like a kiwi Graham Norton. 


Now for the last thing on my list, the wildlife.
There is a wide array of wildlife here. Well when I say wildlife I mean birds. They don't have many mammals and the ones they do have they either kill indiscriminately or farm and then kill en masse. But the birds are quite amazing. A few highlights. I already told you about the Kea, the crazy sheep eating parrot, in a previous post. There are also Weka's and Pukekos. My personal favourites. These guys are very odd looking and quite simple. The Weka a flightless brown bird that likes to strut around the middle of road and then take it's sweet time leaving them when a car comes and pukeko is basically the same only it's bright blue with a red beak and huge feet. It can fly but when you see it in action it does occur to you that it would be better for all concerned it it didn't bother.

Then you have everything from Tui's, a navyish bird with a tuft of white hair on its throat, one of the best imitators in the worlds, to various colourful parrots, to the very cool and cheeky grey robin. One of these landed in my cooking and pot and started eating from it while I was there, they also have a habit of swooping around right above your head.

Thats all I can think of for now, if I recall anything I'll come back and edit this post...

Tongariro National, is that Mt. Doom?

This here is a bit of Mt Doom(above)

Well no that is a cloud. Mt.Doom is there somewhere though.

After Taranaki I headed back west-ish. Over Tongariro National park, home to 3 more volcanoes, including Mt.  Ngaurhoe. This was the mountain that they used for Mt.Doom in the Lord of the Rings. Isn't that awesome? And  I have walked on it's slopes, how cool is that? Does it take from the amazingness of that if I say I still haven't seen it though?
Yes for the entire time I was in Tongariro there was clouds over all three of the Volcanoes. I didn't actually see ANY of them. While there I also thought I would make up for my earlier laziness in tackling Taranaki. So I decided to do the Tongariro Alpine Crossing. A 19.4 kilometer mountain trek. I'm not used to walking such distances. Especially not when it's mostly uphill and pretty steep hills at that. For the first half it was a bit of a miserable affair, the aforementioned clouds were refusing to budge. Even shaking my fist vehemently at them had no effect. Luckily at about the half way point we were given a brief reprieve from the clouds. So I got to see some of the lovely scenery that the trek is famous for. It's advertised as "The best one day walk in New Zealand". It's pretty nice but I'd have to disagree. Although maybe if I had been able to see the volcanoes that  might have changed my opinion. The clouds just happened to feck off everywhere else aside from the volcanoes.

Anyway I managed the walk, just about. And aside from the disappointment of not seeing the mountains it was pretty cool. The volcanic landscape is very other worldly. Wide fields of craggy rock formations, steaming slopes and some yellowed from the sulphur. Not to mention the 'emerald lakes'. Even while walking through the clouds this was pretty cool, as  the fog with the craggy rocks created an eery  atmosphere.

Taranaki, Lights and the Mt.Fuji imposter

                                            
So for the past few days I've been in volcano land. Leaving Wellington I headed north west to the town of New Plymouth.Theres not much surrounding New Plymouth and thats why the one thing they do have REALLY sticks out. The huge volcano Taranaki, looms over everywhere in the area. You can see it from miles away. My first glimpse of it came when I was 2 hours away on the bus. It's also almost a mirror image of Mt. Fuji in Japan. Ever see the last samurai? That is in actual fact Mt Taranaki they use instead of Fuji. Cheaters eh? Now you'd think that my reason for going to this area would be to go tramping off up the mountain wouldn't you? Well no, I decided against that. It was costing like 60 quid for the bus to get to the mountain so I did some coastal walk instead. And while on the coastal walk i spotted a hill. I thought, hey I can just go up that one, thats not too far. 4 hours later I reach the top. I look back and curse myself several times. Now on my list of things I must not do; Walk for hours with no thought of the return trip. (other things include shaking my fist at products in shops).
The area was pretty nice although it was tough for me because it was almost 30 degrees for the few days I was there and as most of you know I don't get on too well with Mr. Sun.
Just happened to be there in the middle of the 'Festival of the lights' too. Which was a happy coincidence. I loved it. The festival of the lights is a summer festival they hold in New Plymouth from mid December to the end of January. Basically they fit their local park, with hundreds of different lights and display and then light them up after dark. It may not sound like much here but there's an undeniable magical quality as you wander around the park. Waterfalls and fountains fitted with alternating lights and boats with lighted 'halos' gliding( I would like to say gliding peacefully but unfortunately most were manned by young children, much to the dismay of couples who decided to take a boat for a romantic moment) around the lake. The reflection of the light off the lake is pretty dazzling too. Quite hard to take pictures of these things unfortunately so mine don't really do it justice...

Oh yeah the only pictures I got of the mountain without clouds on it were at sunset, bloody clouds mover right on top of the second day I was there (nowhere else) and have been following me since.

Kaikoura and onward. And a slight rant

So I have departed the south island and now find myself back in Wellington. It's been a while since I've been here but the weather is the same. Little bit cold and windy. Kaikoura was pretty nice, it was unfortunately ruined by two things. First and foremost, a large cloud settled upon the big dramatic mountains that were my main reason for visiting. So most of the time I couldn't actually see them. The second and much bigger problem came when I started on the Peninsula Walkway, a 3-4 hour scenic walk around the Kaikoura peninsula taking in great views of the coast and mountains. There was I'd say over 100 people on the track. You see I've been used to New Zealand pre tourist season. If you ever come here, do NOT come any time between late December and February I think it is. It is horrible. They ruin the country. On the track there was nearly fucking queues for viewpoints! Queues on a bloody walking track! And every time you find some nice quiet spot to sit down and relax, you turn around and theres ten people making videos and taking photos and looking agitated that you've gotten in their way. Felt like wading into them and sending them off the cliff.

On the subject of tourists.* Here's a few things that annoy me.

1. In every hostel I go to, there's always at least one person (more sometimes depending on the hostel) who feels the need to show how unbelievably cool and well traveled they are. They speak very loudly (and are usually but not always British) and these people feel the need to talk to everyone. Everyone. They begin under the pretext that they are interested in you and your travels. Ask a few perfunctory questions then gradually turn it around to all the cool places they've been. The same people are also very fond of speaking of their opinions very loudly and openly. These opinions are usually a little bit different and quirky, just to make it extra clear that they have an opinion. Now as annoying as I find these people I wouldn't complain about them, others appear to like them, if they did not insist on talking to me as well.
My usual position in a hostel lounge, is a corner somewhere, preferably darkened somewhat. With my earphones playing loud to drown out the conversation around me and reading a book/playing my ds depending on my mood. I don't think I look like I want to talk, in actual fact am consciously making an effort to make myself less approachable. Yet these wankers, are so sure of their greatness they will still sit down in front/ beside me. And ask "So where are you from?". Sod off and talk to one of these other goons who are more than happy to indulge you, I think but usually respond with very short polite answers. Ask them no questions about themselves and patiently wait for them to leave.

2. People making videos of everything. WHY!? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why make a video of a mountain or a landscape? Just take a picture, please. Now I have no problem with people making some videos. I'll admit to get the true scale of some things it is sometimes necessary but to you people who go around with the video camera glued to your hand all the time. There is a very special place in hell reserved for you.

3. On the subject of cameras. Tourists with huge professional cameras(and some even with tripods) that they have no idea how to use. You have no business with one of these cameras unless you are involved with photography professionally. All these people couldn't be professional and I've seen people with lenses over a foot long. Taking pictures of scenery. How much money did you waste on that stupid camera so you could look like a pro. You don't need it! Idiots. As I've said, I've no problem with people with these cameras who are actually involved in photography.

4. Bunk beds. Whoever invented bunk beds, may you rot in hell for all eternity.

5. Gamers in internet cafes. Why do they insist on shouting? Why do they get so excited. There are several of them right now shouting. "Kill that fucker bro!" "Shit cuz I 'm dead" "inaudible sounds of dismay"

Ah venting. That makes me feel better.

Now, so I'm in Wellington. I've applied for several jobs here and if I don't hear back from them by this evening then I move on in the morning. Westward, towards Mt Taranaki where lonely planet informs me there is a distinct lack of tourists.

Bob the Barber

I still have some time to kill so here's a little story about my friend "Bob the Barber"
When last I was in Christchurch(I'm here again on my two hour stop by the way). I decided that I would like to get a hot towel shave. So I rambled the streets in search of a barber that could provide the service. After the first half hour or so I was somewhat disheartened as I had found nothing only 'trendy' hairdressers that would sooner shave themselves bald than deal with facial hair (unless its to do a really cool little smig of some kind. You know the really cool little ones. Or a 'soul patch' man I'd love to have one of those). So I was about to give up when I spotted the red and white cylinder thingy (I'm sure there's a word for it but I could not be arse) that signifies a barber. So down the alley I went to find 'Bobs Barbers. No.1 local man'* On the window there was a list of services with prices, hot towel shave was there but curiously the price had been inexpertly removed. I figured I may as well so I went inside and sat down. I was soon greeted by a rather small Asian man. Who smiled quite a lot. "Hallo, how can I hewlp you?" I told him I would like a hot towel shave. At this point I kind of believed that he was some kind of assistant but alas no. He responded "oooooooh" and then " ah yes *something obscure that sounded a bit like "hofe shave"*. He ushered me to the barber seat. When I sat down two things alerted me to the fact that something was not quite right. The first the 'barber certificate' pinned on the mirror. Tsutsumoro Akihiro. 14 years exepeience in Japan. At this point I figured Bob had sold his little business to Mr. Akihiro and Mr.Akihiro had figured that Tsutsumoro's Barbers didn't have the same ring to it.
Second problem as I was thinking about the first problem good old Tsutsumoro had already started shaving me, with an electric razor. Now I'm no barber but I'm pretty sure elecrtic razors don't feature too much in the hot towel shave process. I pointed out to him that I wanted a hot towel shave. After a patient 5 minutes of explaining he said "Aaaaaah yes, I sorry my english not so good". So problem resolved. Then he switched razors to slightly bigger one and started going again. I must say at this point was felling unsure about trying to succeed in explaining to him what a hot towel shave is cause then he'd have a razor blade to my throat.
I endeavoured to explain one last time. Very slowly and with a lot of hand gestures (which is the universal langauge used when talking to someone who doesn't understand you. Works wonderfully. Really)
After this I felt like maybe I had managed it. He said "Ooooooh" then scratched his chin a bit and said "Aaaaaaaah". He then disappeared into a back room. Ah now we're getting somewhere. Then he returned with a different electric razor and began again. In the end I settled for whatever it was he thought a hot towel shave was. Turned out to be a trim.
Then I had to show him how to work his credit card machine, could have charged myself whatever I liked but I'm nice so I paid the actual price.
"Thank you much, and you come use me again" he said as I beat a rather hasty retreat

How does it feel to be on your own, no direction home?

These two are the same view, five minutes passed between the taking of these photos, you see, very changeable

Well not as bad as you might expect. At times it is quite boring, as you know I am fantastic but it is terribly difficult to keep myself entertained 24 hours a day. Hence I've been through three books in the past two weeks and played quite a lot of Nintendo Ds.

For the past 8 days I've been living in Dunedin, working for a rather unscrupulous character and with a very nice Czech couple. I originally feared, as stated in my earlier post, that he had "hired"* me because he was under the impression that I was some kind of expert gardener. Oddly enough after one day in the garden he asked to start stripping wallpaper inside. This may or may not have had something to do with fact that on my first day in the garden I just killed just about everything in sight. Leaving a barren patch of dirt about 5 x 2 metres. Well I did exactly what my time with conservation volunteers taught me to do. Kill non natives. You see whats considered a weed in conservation work isn't quite the same as what's considered a week in household gardening So after that I was stripping wallpaper all week (with one brief escape to the garden, where I rained more death down upon those pesky non natives. The Czech guy was a bit surprised I think. He was delicately hand weeding everthing. Then I emerge with a Hoe, the garden tool not the other kind, and start hacking into everything and anything). It was somewhat dull. The weather was also insane. Dunedin has the most changeable climate I've ever seen. Had everything from pleasant summers days to the worst hailstorm I've ever. The hail storm was pretty cool. We happened to be on the top of a rather exoposed hill at the time. When we got there it was nice and sunny, then as we looked down from the view point black clouds rolled in at either side and a chilling wind began to howl around the the radio tower on top of the hill . Then before we knew it the cloud was everywhere, you'll see in my pictures above...

What else did I do in Dunedin....
Ah I hung around in a lot of second hand bookshops, as I said I read a lot. Oh! AND I had MY OWN ROOM and A TV! It was amazing, and our 'boss' though unscrupulous was pretty lax on the work side of things so I selpt in til like 10/11 every day and then did bout 3 hours work. It was pretty good. Though as I said boring. What else... Went to see Royal Albatross. Huge things wingspan of close to 3.5 metres. That's probably twice my height, and they're lazy buggers. They don't fly, they only go into to the air if its windy and glide about on the breeze. They do look very cool in highwinds, their flight resembling that of jet plane.

And thats' about it for Dunedin. Met up with the lovely Delphine again, who I met originally on Stewart Island and who hails from New Caledonia. And today I'm on the road again. On my way to Kaikoura, home of seals, dolphins, whales and albatross. And also great big mountains that come right down to the sea. I'm staying there before I resume my journey north. Thus far I've only planned as far as Wellington, will arrive there Wednesday and following a somewhat open plan route after that. I intend to wander my way back up the north island looking for work on my way. Slowly going back towards Auckland and if I don't find anything before I get there I'm homeward bound. Bout as good a plan as any I reckon? Some interesting things left to see, including Mt. Taranaki (Which is a mirror image of Mt. Fuji in japan I'm told. So much so it was used as Mt. Fuji in 'The Last Samurai') and then there's Tongariro national park which is home to the mountain they used as Mt. Doom. Can't remember the name of that one, is some silly Maori name.

So that's about all I have to say for now, will update if anything of import comes to pass.

*I say 'hire' but I don't think that hire is the right word, I wasn't being paid after all...